I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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