Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
organizing the empties. That sober.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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