Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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