Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
