I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
