i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
