I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
