we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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