Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
