i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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