I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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