I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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