i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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