just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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