he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
