I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I got inside last night via doggy door
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
