I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You ruined the universe
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
