It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I need water and some morals
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
