Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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