eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
