So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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