I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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