Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
