There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
