Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
