well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i need some magic done to my vagina
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
