I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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