no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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