like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
