this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She bit a glass in half.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize