they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just pee around me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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