where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
