We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
