Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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