nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's never too late to be topless.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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