My hand turned me down
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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