Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Randomize
