Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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