Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize