You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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