i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
