I love black thongs
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize