I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
