I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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