So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
