I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
