im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
