I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
