Your mouth is God's brothel.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize