It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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