We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
