Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize