Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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