are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
