dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
