i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
