My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
