His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
