Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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