you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
