Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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