Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
