the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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