I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
