But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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