we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
