It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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