never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
