didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
